My First Love

Everyone has his or her first love. Some may stick to their first lover until they get married, which is a happy ending. They may live their lives like prince and princess in the fairy tales, who live happily ever after in the end of story.

I had my first love as well. My story began like this. . .

I had been working in Puchong for ten months. I was not so happy with the job. Thus, I changed my job. My cousin was working in my current company then. She introduced me into the company before she resigned. I got the job after I went for an aptitude test and undergone an interview. My cousin left the company when I started to work in the company. During the first three months, I did not have friends other than my teammates and seniors. Thus, I joined them for lunch. I did not talk much during the lunch because I scared I would say the wrong things. Moreover, they normally talked about works and tasks during the lunch. Then, a new team member came. His name is K.J. We went for an ice-breaking session together if I was not mistaken. Then, we made friend with a girl called C.H. From that day onwards, I seldom joined my teammates for lunch. I felt they were boring. I went for lunch with K.J. and C.H. instead. Everyday I sent C.H. back to her relatives' house as she was staying with her relatives. I sent K.J. to Kelana LRT as well because I had moved from Puchong to Kelana Jaya. My house was just behind the LRT station. They were my friends so that I treated them nicely.

Then, both of them went for RPGLE/AS400 training in the company. I got to know some of their newly made friends when they asked me to join them for lunch together. Sometimes, we went for singing session during lunch hour. We got closer to each other. Until here. . . I still had not mentioned anything about the main character of my story. In this new company, I met with my ex-girlfriend. She attracted me on the first time I saw her. That time we did not know each other yet. We were stranger to each other. One day, I went for lunch as usual with K.J., C.H. and their friends. One of them said that someone else would join us for lunch at the canteen opposite TV3 later. We finished our lunch but those "someone" still had not turned up. It was almost one o'clock. Suddenly, a man and a lady came into the canteen. I was surprised and delighted because one of them was the girl whom I wanted to know. I had never expected she was my friend's friend. We introduced ourselves. I still remembered she was wearing a yellow shirt and a black skirt on that day. She ordered a plate of fried noodles or "kueh tiao" instead of economy rice. I knew that she did not really pay attention to me because I was just a friend of her friend.

She did not know that I had fallen in love with her at first sight. I was happy because I was her friend then. Although I was just a normal friend of her, i was satisfied. There was a Local Area Network (LAN) messenger in our company then. We started to chat in a group everyday before and after our lunch. She began to notice me because I was active in the group chat. Sometimes I would purposely message her one on one to ask her something even though I knew about that thing. Slowly, we became closer to each other. I would join her group in all the activities during weekdays after working hours or weekends. The activities ranged from movies, outings, shopping, lunch to clubbing. I had never gone to clubbing before this but I did not want to miss a single activity with her because I wished to see her. I also pretended that I was interested to play MMORPG. She was playing Chibi Online then. She told me she had a "husband" in the game. I wished to play with her also but her level was too high. I had to take some time to play the game if I wanted to have the similar level as her. At that time, a new online game was introduced. It was called Zhu Xian aka. Celestial Destroyer.

Her house mate was the first to play that game. She said she would like to play also. The game was in Chinese. I had learned how to play. Thus, I started to ask her house mate on how to play. Sometimes, I also asked her in LAN messenger. This was because my knowledge in Chinese was limited. I used this excuse to ask for her MSN ID. I tried to message her through MSN on the same night. Her reply was slow. She told me that she seldom chat at home because she would be playing Chibi. She would chat in the game. She still had not started playing Zhu Xian but Chibi Online instead because she was lazy to start from a newbie in this new game. I persuaded her to play. She agreed to give a try but she was only playing for a few times. Then, she did not continue. I was so disappointed because I would lose a way to communicate with her. She was chased by a friend of us then. I could "feel" that he was chasing her. However, he failed eventually. He did not join us after that. It was very fast that another friend of us began to chase her. His name is S. He was a "banana" (English-speaking). He seldom talked to us. Maybe he did not understand what we were talking about because we were using Chinese to communicate with each other. However, he loved to talk to her. Slowly, he started to close with her and started to tease her. All this while, I felt very hurt whenever I saw someone closed with her. I wished to chase her but I was shy and had no courage then. Everyday when I saw them talking and teasing each other, I felt very sad. I blamed myself for not being stand out. I should get more attention from her if I loved her.

The time passed by very fast. I had been working for almost half a year. Another new teammate joined the company. His name is W.S. I got to know his friends, who was in the same training batch as him. They organized a trip to Genting Highlands and asked me along. I was not close with them except my teammate and the AS400 trainer. I did not mix and talk much with them throughout the trip. I just sticked with W.S. and the trainer. One of them was the daughter of a person, who held a high level position in the company management. We began to chat in the LAN messenger after we came back from the trip. Thus, I had two chat groups then. Everyday I spent most of the time chatting through the messenger while I was doing my tasks at the same time. I was still not very close with W.S.'s batch. I also seldom joined W.S.'s batch for lunch because the girl I loved was in my other group of friends. I almost rejected all the invitation for lunch by W.S. because of this. Occasionally, I would still join W.S. if they had outings. These two groups of my friends started to know each other because of me. However, they were not close. They were just like "Hi-and-Bye" friends. Some of the people in W.S. did not like the girl I loved because they thought she was very proud. She never smiled when she saw them. Therefore, there was no activity that was joined by both groups of my friends together.

There was one night that one of my friends from W.S.'s batch and one of my friends from my lunch group and I went to clubbing at Rum Jungle. Her name is A. and his name is L. We had been walking around the clubbing street before we settled down at Rum Jungle. However, we were disappointed and regretted after we entered. Almost all of the clubbers were Malays. We were not racists but we would like to see some Chinese people in the club as well. We opened a white wine and a brandy. I did not drink much. A. kept drinking and was drunk in no time. L. and I let A. to sit on a chair. We had to support her on each side. A. started to talk and laugh. She said she liked me and asked me whether she could kiss me. I did not answer her. Then, she hugged me. I let her hugged because she would collapse if I moved away from the table. L. was jealous. He took A.'s hands and put on his shoulders. He wanted her to hug him also. I think I have to stop this part of the story here because A. is one of my good friends now. I do not want to hurt A. by telling what L. did to her in details here. Thus, I would not elaborate further.

A. and I became closer friend because of that incident. I always won movie tickets from Internet then. Therefore, I would ask A. to join me when I won tickets. Almost every morning A. would ask me to go breakfast with her. I knew that A. liked me. A. was already not happy because of that night incident. I did not want A. to be more unhappy so that I would try to accompany her whenever I could and tried to not reject her. The girl I loved knew that three of us went to clubbing together on that night. Sometimes, she would mention about it when our lunch group went out together. She would tease me by saying that A. and I was in a relationship. I denied that. That was not the truth. However, I could not tell her the truth. I felt so hurt because someone I loved misunderstood me. However, I could not blame her because the way I treated A. was just like we were in a relationship. Actually I just treated A. as my friend. Without realizing, we got closer to each other. I could not deny that there were times that I got a bit "feeling" on A. This might be due to that she was a cheerful person. I felt comfortable and happy when I was with A.

Suddenly, I was assigned to fly to Hanoi, Vietnam on last year March. Before I flied, the girl I loved and I were quite close and had been flirting with each other through MSN and SMS. On the day I flied to Hanoi, I SMS her to tell her that I missed her. She replied me "miss you...muackss". While I was in Hanoi, I would chat with both the girl I loved and A. through MSN almost everyday during office hour while doing my tasks. Every night I thought of her. I could not SMS her because I did not activate the roaming service at my service provider (DIGI). On the last day in Hanoi before I flied back to Malaysia, I SMS her to tell her that I missed her using my Vietnam sim card. I did not know what was her reply because the sim card could not be used when I back to Malaysia. After I came back to Malaysia, we were still normal friend. After I came back, A. did not treat me like the way she treated me already. I felt weird and not used to it. Then, A. told me she had a boyfriend already. I did not know why I felt a little sad when I heard the news. I used several days to think about it. I wondered if I had fallen for A. Finally, I knew that I was not. I felt sad because I would lose a companion to eat breakfast and go for a movie. I felt happy for A. because she could get a person who loved and cared for her.

It was time for me to get my own happiness. I knew I would have a hard time to chase the girl I loved because there were so many competitors. I had already left behind and she had misunderstood me for having relationship with A. I knew I had to do something about it. At that time, S. was chasing her. She and I continued to flirt with each other in LAN messenger and MSN. I was not sure whether she was flirting with S. too. I only knew that I would not give up so easily. A. tried her best to win my heart before she had a boyfriend. A. told me that she would pursuit the things that she wanted with all her efforts. She did not want to regret. Even if she could not get what she desired, she also would not be regretted of what she had done. At least she had tried her best. I got this courage from A. It had been a month since the last time I saw her. I continued to join the activities organized by my lunch group after I came back to Malaysia. One day, I felt shocked and sad when I heard a news from her. She told us that she was assigned to fly to Thailand to develop and support. She would be flying on next month. At first, I thought of confessing with her before she flied but I felt that would be a stupid move because it seemed to be too rush. Therefore, I had to plan before I made any moves. I told myself that I could not lose her.

To be continued. . .