Just now I watched an episode of a drama. It was the episode 29 of 30. The title is "The Stew of Life". I found this episode was quite meaningful and the storyline so alike with my story. I guessed this is the interesting part of a drama. A drama is the combination of true stories gathered and imagination of the story writers. In this world, there is really a type of woman, who does not know what love is. The character in this drama could not decide to choose between a man who loved her with all his heart and a man who met all the criteria of an ideal boyfriend she had in mind. She seemed to be prefer the rich man, who could give her a perfect living and good lifestyle. She went out with the rich man before broke up with the man, who was her current boyfriend and who loved her very much. She was in between these men for some time. Then, her current boyfriend found out about it. He was so disappointed with her girlfriend. He wanted to break up with her. He could not accept that she was having affair with another man. He said he knew that he was not the one who could meet her criteria. He said she was a person, who chose her partner based on her requirements only. Thus, no matter how hard he worked on this relationship and showered her with all his love, also could not win her heart. He had a heartbreak. He rather gave up. However, she did not accept the rich man after he left. She realized that money was not everything and what true love was. She felt so regret because she lost the one who loved her so much. She would email him everyday even though she did not get a reply from him. In the end of the story, he told her that he read all her email and was touched with her action. He asked her to be his girlfriend back. They lived happily ever after.
My story was a little different. No one knew about our relationship. I was not sure whether she had already with her current boyfriend before broke up with me. None of us said the word "break up". Yet, we assumed we had broken up after some "cooling" time. I did have a heartbreak. Then, I even had an emotional breakdown after I found out about her new boyfriend. She could show her new boyfriend to everyone so openly. I wondered whether was it because I could not meet her requirement that she did not dare to let others knew about our relationship. Now, she said that she still treated me as her friend in her last SMS even though I blocked all her messengers and wrote about our story in the blog. She messaged me a day after I reached Hongkong to wish me an enjoyable and happy trip. I told her that my heart was broken into pieces. I also told her that our fate had ended as well as our friendship. I told her to take care and would not see her forever. I could not face her anymore. Actually I knew that I was not right to write about our relationship in the blog. Especially after I read the news about Cyndi Wang ("心凌") and her ex-boyfriend. Although I was not so over like Cyndi Wang's ex-boyfriend, I felt I was not right to do so. If I love her, I should protect her even though we had fallen apart. I treated a blog like my diary, which was later told by my senior that I was wrong. A post in a blog is so public and it could be read by anyone. He said I should think that I was a reporter. I should filter the content of each post to avoid offending others.
At first, I just wanted to write out my feelings and I did filter the content as well as tried my best to avoid my friends from knowing her real identity. However, after I found out about her new boyfriend, I was so furious. She told me that she was not suitable for me because she wanted her career and did not want to think about relationship at that point. Yet, she started a new relationship with another person not long after we broke up. I began to hate her. I felt like I was a fool. I was a toy to her. I posted something more obvious so that people, who were closed to us, would know that she was the one I was talking about. I tried to control myself but I could not. I was overwhelmed by hatred. She was in my mind previously when I was missing her. Now, she is still in my mind but it is when I think of the ways she treated me.