My journey continued. . .

I had the longest holiday ever. After SPM, everyone was busy looking for information on University courses, including me. I, once wrote my ambition was to be a scientist. However, I did not wish to be a scientist anymore after I realized that I did not have much interest in science subjects such as physics, chemistry and biology. I preferred art and music subjects. I used to go to drawing classes during primary and lower secondary. I started to sing English songs sang by boy bands during lower secondary. I would sing whenever I was listening to songs in the living hall as well as when I was bathing in the washroom. I could naturally sing most of the songs completely without any lyrics. I used to listen to English oldies and some old Cantonese songs in my father's car when I was a kid. When I was in Form Three, I was exposed to Chinese song. I began to like Chinese song. I loved Jay Chou's, Lee Hom's, David Tao's and Eason Chan's songs. At first, I was only listening to the songs. Then, I tried to sing after listening for several times. I could not sing the Chinese songs completely as my Chinese was not good. I could only sing by following the sound of some words that I thought would be correct. I could not really read all the words in the lyrics. Sometimes, I would ask my mother for the "pin yin" if I really loved the song very much. Gradually, I could sing most of my favourite Chinese songs completely. I did not need any lyrics but even I was given the lyrics, I was not be able to read them also. My mother was Chinese educated and my father was English educated but both my Chinese and English were not good. I wonder why they did not speak in either of the language with me at home. My father is a Hakka but he did not speak Hakka with me also. I did not know Hakka at all. We speak in Cantonese instead.

I could not choose to be a singer or musician because I did not know how to play any music instruments and I felt that I was not suitable to be one. I was not handsome but at least I was presentable but I was a shy person then. "How could I perform in the public?" I was also lack of confidence due to my height. I was not sure it was because of I inherited the gene from my parents or because of I did not involve much in sports activities during secondary school that caused me to be shorter than average. I asked my parents' advice on which course to be chosen. They told me that I might choose the one, which I thought would be most suitable for myself and I had interest on it. I told my parents that I loved music and would like to study music but they said, "What could you be?” I knew it was a signal for me that they were not agreed with my thought. "Betul pun..." After I thought for a period of time, I agreed with them. I did not have any music background, as I was not sent to piano or any music instruments classes before. I was sent to computer classes instead. I loved to play computer games since I had my first personal computer during Standard Six. Then, I did not know what course should I choose so that I would have a bright future. I asked for opinions from my friends. Most of them wanted to be an engineer or architect. A small number of them wanted to be a doctor. My best friend wanted to choose IT field but his parents objected. Almost all of his relatives and both of his parents were involved in medical fields. They objected not because of they wanted him to be a doctor but they thought there were a lot of IT people in the industry already. He chose engineering field but majoring in computer. As I had no idea on which course to be chosen and I had some interest in computer related materials, especially animation, I followed my best friend's decision.

Then, I had decided on the course as my parents and relatives also said that I would have a bright future if I chose to be an engineer. I had another headache when I had to decide on which university to be enrolled in. Most of us applied for scholarship. I also applied for a few scholarships such as JPA. We also tried our luck to be enrolled in government universities but we knew that our chances to be enrolled in would be narrow. We did not put much hope. Thus, we had to find other alternatives. I applied to be enrolled in several private universities such as Uniten, MMU and Inti. I went for the JPA interview with several friends when we received calls. Two of them obtained the scholarship and had the chance to further their studies in the overseas upon completing the foundation year locally. One of them would be flying to United Kingdom and another one, who was the cleverest girl I used to admire, would be flying to United States of America. She had separated with my friend. I envied them so much as they could further their studies in the overseas and they did not need to pay a single cent for that. As for me, I knew that my chance was not high because my English was not good. I knew I did not perform well in the interview session. After some time, I still did not receive any letter from the government universities that I had applied. I decided to take the offer to be enrolled in MMU as my best friend would be there and I heard that there were a lot of Malay students in Uniten if compared with Chinese students. I was not a racist. I just considered that it would be better if I chose to be enrolled in a university, where there were more Chinese students so that I had more chances to find the other half of me. Consequently, I had made the decision to choose MMU.

I had to make preparations before the trimester of the university started. I had to find accommodation that was near the university. I did not want to stay in the hostel because I had a bad impression on the condition of a hostel. This was because I stayed in a hostel in Maran, Pahang for a few days when I represented my district in the International Chess Competition. The toilets were dirty and some of them had no water supply. The mattress was old and was stunk. My best friend, a secondary classmate, a tuition mate and I went to Malacca with our own family members a day before the trimester started. We drove around to find accommodation. Finally, we found a family house, which was owned by a divorced woman. She has a son and a daughter. It was located behind the university. It was about 10 minutes walking distance to the university from there. We decided to rent the rooms and stay together. After lunch, we drove around to look for furniture shops because we wanted to buy mattresses and bookshelves. We did not have to buy cupboards because they were provided in each room. We unpacked our luggage and tidied up our rooms. Our family members drove back to Pahang upon settling the deposit of the rooms. I could not wait for tomorrow to come because I felt excited. "How will it be to be a university student?" At the same time, I felt nervous because I had to make new friends and adapt to a new environment. Moreover, the entire syllabus would be in English. I was worried that I could not understand the lessons taught in classes. I was also afraid that I could not communicate well with others because I seldom spoke in English during secondary school. My primary and secondary friends thought that I was very good in English because I got good results for it. I might be good in writing but not in speaking. There was a time that I tried to explain something to my English teacher during Standard Five but my teacher could hardly understand what I was trying to say because I talked slowly with interval in between. I talked slowly because I was not used to speak in English. I had to translate the idea that I wanted to convey and structure it into sentences with correct grammar in my mind before I explained to her. She laughed at me and said, "What are you trying to say?” Other students in the class also began to laugh. I felt ashamed of myself.

To be continued. . .