Why nobody love me?
Maybe what people saying is right...
"You don't even love yourself... How do you expect others to love you?"
Yes, I hate myself now...
Just now I joined some secondary schoolmates to Dong Men pub, Scott Gardens. Everyone was enjoying themselves. They were talking and drinking with each other. Everyone seemed to treat me like an "invisible man" or someone from the table beside or even an alien. Sorry...maybe I should say I'm worse than an alien. If I were an alien, at least people will pay attention to me and curious to know about me. I just stood and sat beside a table and listened to live band as well as pretended to watch the car racing on the LCD TV. One of the guys brought along two of his female friends along. He introduced my friend and me to those two ladies. I just introduced myself and smiled to them but I did not proceed further to chat with them. Everyone kept drinking with each other but I only drank a cup of whiskey. I felt I was left out. No one came to toss with me. I knew I could be the one who took initiative to drink with others and even to talk with the ladies but I did not. I just hate myself for that! I had been standing and sitting there for at least two hours doing nothing. I tried to online but Digi no coverage. If there was a hole, I would bury myself and just suffocated to death.
The handsome guy came to me by chance and said those girls he brought along are single and available. He asked me to "Gambatte". I just nodded my head and said,"Yes!"He walked to other people. I saw him kissed and took photos with the pretty and sexy beer girl. He didn't pay any money for that. He is just very handsome with average height. That made my self-esteem even lower. I felt like leaving the place but I did not drive. Somebody fetched me there. I really did not know what to do. Then, I just walked away to sit at an area with some empty seats. I pretended to be playing with my phone. Luckily I saw my vocal classmates, Chris. He was there with his Sarawak friends so coincidentally. He asked me to join him to meet his friends. I saw the pretty and young girl from his Facebook. He really did not lie to me. But at the same time a very handsome and young guy was sitting beside her, whom I supposed is her boyfriend. Both of them were so fair with flawless skin. According to Chris, last time he got to know them while he was working as a part time actor in Sarawak. They ordered a tower of beer. We tossed and bottom-up several glasses of beer until the tower of beer was empty. Chris told the girl to introduce some girls to me and told her that I'm looking for a girlfriend.The girl asked Chris my age. Chris asked her to make a guess.At first, she said I'm same age as Chris, who is 27 this year. Then, both Chris and I did not say anything. She asked Chris "Is he younger than you?"
and said "You're 22 years old." I quickly said I'm not so young. She asked me to guess her age. I said, "You are younger than Chris". She asked me, "Then how old?". I guessed she was 24 years old. Maybe I pissed her off a bit after that even she did not show it. Chris said, "No. You forget she is just after SPM? She is just 18 years old this year!". Oops! I guessed I was in trouble. She is really pretty but looks a little mature. After some time, they wished to leave as it was quite late but they sat for a while more to let the alcohol "fading away". I saw my secondary schoolmates and my driver were leaving. I told Chris and his friends that I had to leave and bade them goodbye. Chris and them were leaving as well. Then, my schoolmates wanted to go to a Mamak stall to have a drink and to "lighten" the effect of the alcohol within the body also. They talked about the handsome guy's marriage plan end of this year, their previous trips to Phuket/Sura baya etc., and online games. I could not interrupt. I was bored again. This time I really took out my mobile phone and played "Candy Crush Saga" that I just started to play last week. In the end, I did not get anything positive. No contact numbers, no dates, no sleep, "panda eyes", hate myself even more, no more motivation to live on (maybe it looks like I enlarge a small matter/depress over a tiny issue)...
I just feel bad now...
