What The Fxprience...

It's my first time to go for clubbing at Zuok, Kuala Lumpur.

We had our dinner at around 10 pm.

We went to one of the friends' house to get changed.

We only reached there at about 12.30 am as we had to wait for another friend who was coming from Batu Caves area.

We ordered a bottle of liquor.

Six of us got to go in.

There were so many fair, tall and pretty girls in that area inside and outside.

There were a lot of sports and luxurious cars also.

One of them had the car number plate "W 1".

The tallest guy among us walked around to search for a spot to stand or sit.

In the end, all hot spots were occupied and we had to take the seats at upstairs, which were almost unoccupied and empty.

We had some talks. (Or maybe I should say they had some talks as I could hardly interrupt or join their conversation)

As usual I just sat there and listened carefully so that I may have chance to interrupt.

Actually, Ms. Q noticed that I did not talk to her friends while we were having dinner.

She told me in the car while we were going to the Zuok.

I did not say much or almost not a word with her friends during the dinner.

They were talking about their previous college life and their friends.

I was just listening.

She also said I should talk to her friends so that I could have more new friends.

She mentioned that I should not just "stick" to her the whole night. (A little uncomfortable to hear that. Frankly, I hate myself for being like that. I just keep quiet whenever I am unable to interrupt a conversation.)

Since she did not want me to "stick" to her and wanted me to socialize with her friends, I did not talk to her after we were seated at a spot upstairs and I tried to interrupt her friends' conversation once a while.

Then, she asked her friend, "Where is the washroom?"

Her friend said, "You just walk straight from here. It's at the same floor."

I thought I should offer myself to accompany her because I thought it was not safe to walk around alone nowadays. (as a friend/a "big brother"/whoever she thinks I am in her mind)

She rejected the offer.

I think she felt that I was still "stick" to her.

I just ignored her and continued to listen to their conversation since my help was not appreciated.

She walked to her female friend Ms. Wan and asked Ms. Wan to accompany her to the washroom.

Then, Ms. Wan walked back to the table without her around.

I did not ask about that.

When they talked about her, only I mentioned that she did not bring her mobile phone with her and we would not be able to find her if anything happened.

She came back after a while.

She said, "I just try to explore around the club but I do not dare to dance because no one accompanies me."

Everyone pointed at me and said, "He can accompany you."

She only replied, "Only him. All of you also do not want to go downstairs."

I just smiled back to everyone.

She suggested that I went for a walk as well since there were a lot of pretty girls at downstairs.

Then, two of the guys went to the washroom.

I wanted to go to the washroom also this time.

After that, I went to downstairs and enjoyed the atmosphere.

I was kind of envy and jealous those guys with fair, tall and pretty girls around them.

In my mind, I just thought that all of these were their "rewards" from God.

Some of the guys there are tall, muscular, handsome and rich.

Life is just so unfair.

I "eye wash" a while by looking at those eye candies and I headed back upstairs.

She was standing at the balcony there alone this time. (I guessed she felt unhappy as she could not enjoy herself and she did not dare to go for dancing herself.)

Her friends asked me to go and talked to her.

I just said, "I think she needs time for herself. I do not want to disturb her."

Then, the tall guy brought along his cup of whisky and went to talk to her.

The tall guy came back and she followed from the back.

The tall guy asked us to go down to the dance floor.

Four of us went down while the couple stayed back to reserve the spot. (I thought, "Why this time she was willing to go down. Was it because she felt more secure/safe when the tall guy went with her or was it because we were going in a small group this time?)

We followed the tall guy until we reached the dance floor.

(Shake shake shake~)

Suddenly the tall guy left.

Before he left, he was pointing at Ms. Q direction and also pointing to me and another guy as if he asked us to accompany her.

We were "shaking" for a while but she did not seem to be happy.

The tall guy came back and then brought her into a crowd of people consisted of males and females.

She started to dance and she looked satisfied.

The other guy and I just "shake" awkwardly for a while more.

I tried to look for her but I could not see her.

The other guy suggested that we went upstairs as he said he saw "them" had walked away from the crowd.

In fact, it's just the tall guy.

We went back to our seats but I only saw the tall guy and I did not see Ms.Q.

They continued to talk and drink.

I was drinking also but I felt unease because I was worry about her.

She was alone downstairs.

After some time. . . They said, "We should go down and look for her."

However, they were still continued to drink.

They even poured some into my glass.

I knew I would be driving back Petaling Jaya by myself.

Thus, I put quite a lot of Coca-cola mixer and ice into my glass.

They said, "Cheers!"

I drank the whole glass of whisky at one shot.

I purposely asked, "Are you guys planning to go home soon? I will go down to look for Ms. Q."

None of them responded to my question and seemed to be don't bother.

I walked down and started to look for her from the crowd in the dance floor.

I did not see her at the first round. (I thought, "It must be kidding! Won't be so unfortunate that she was taken away by someone!")

I tried to walk for another round and I saw her with a guy.

The guy was standing intimately beside her while resting his hand on her waist and they seemed to be exchanging contact numbers.

The guy is quite good-looking.

She did not see me.

I tapped her on the shoulder and told her that they wanted to go home soon.

She could not walk in a straight line but we still managed to get back to our seats.

(All right. She was fine then. She did not need me to worry about her. She should be able to take care of herself and judged by herself. I think I just mind my own business.)

(I feel I am sick of myself.)

(I do not know why I am behaving in such a way.)

(I feel like I am still the same ME. I am repeating the same mistakes I have done previously. Now I am not only doing to the people whom I love but also those who are surrounded me. This "needy" attitude really drives me crazy. I am just afraid of losing and failing.)

(Actually why should I bother so much? I am nobody to her. Even her boyfriend...Erm, ex-boyfriend shouldn't be bother so much.)

(Girls nowadays want freedom so much until I do not know what the definition of C.A.R.E is.)

(They will think that you are trying to control them/giving them pressure/"suffocat-ing" them if you care about them too much. But they will complain that you do not care about them/pay attention to them when you are not concerning about them.)

It was about 3.30 am.

We headed to our car parks.

I was nearly forgotten that her ICs, credit card and driving license were in my wallet.

I managed to stop their car and handed her items to her friends.

When I got into the driver's seat, I felt my face was quite hot.

I knew it was the effect of the alcohol but I was very conscious at that time.

I did not drive out of the car park immediately and in fact, I was "cooling" myself for about 5 minutes.

I drove out and began to head back to Petaling Jaya.