Buddy or Bloody H***?

Is it buddy or Bloody H****?

I am not sure whether this is because of my luck in my life or merely because I am this kind of person myself that I attract those so-called buddies, who give me the same kind of treatments.

People and articles stated that "You will attract people of your own kind".

That is the Laws of Attraction.

I had this ex-coursemate/ex-housemate/buddy (M*****) during my life in university.

We were housemate only during the Final Year.

During this period, he fetched me to university most of the time when we had the same classes or the time of the classes were almost the same.

We went for suppers and Futsal games with other housemates.

Yes, I considered him as my buddy.

We helped each other also.

He always said he would introduce girls to me because I was still single and he would like to help.

However, whenever he wanted to introduce a girl to me or he had already introduced the girl to me, very fast he was dating the girl himself and some even became his girlfriends.

I found it's hard to accept his actions.

Is this the way you treated your buddy?

When I brought this up to him, he just mentioned that this kind of relationship and love related matters he could not help me and I had to find my own way.

Initially, I did not ask for his help but he offered and promised to help me.

I felt he was turning his back on me.



Now, the similar situation happens again between my current so-called buddy/colleague (J***n) and me.

We knew each other back in the beginning of 2012 in the company team building.

In fact, we were not that close in the team building even we were assigned to the same team.

He was so busy grabbing attention and circling a female fresh graduate from Service Desk Team that time.

We did not contact each other until a year later, which was the beginning of 2013.

He contacted me through the company messenger.

We were having lunch together since then.

I got to know that he just broke up with his girlfriend after year 2012 Christmas.

I tried not to think negatively that he asked me for lunch together and hanged out with me again because he needed someone to talk to after he broke up with his girlfriend and he still remembered me as his friend.

I was totally fine with that.

We went for dinners and movies for a few times.

I was not sure when I treated him as my buddy.

Maybe it started when he said, "You are my buddy."

He shared his story with me on how much he loved his ex-girlfriend and how much money he had spent on his ex-girlfriend.

Since he had a few girlfriends previously, I asked him where else we could go to meet and get to know girls.

He said he did not know where else to meet and get to know girls except gymnasium as he met two of his ex-girlfriends also from there.

He started to go back to his regular gymnasium after the break up.

He offered to give me one of his VIP invitation so that I could join and try the facilities myself.

He encouraged me to work out with him as well.

I accepted the invitation and went there for a few times.

Due to my laziness, I was not consistent like him.

I felt I wasted his VIP pass but I really appreciated that.

He shared with me that he had several girls who could be introduced to me.

He showed me some girls' photos in his mobile phone.

He said my happiness was his first priority.

He would be happy for me if I could find a girlfriend.

Then, we could travel together in pairs.

I was so touched and happy to hear that.

Yet, he had only introduced one of the girls to me so far.

He did not present at the place himself to help me to break the ice also during the meeting of me with this girl.

I agreed that he should not spoon feed me.

I also thought that I was an adult and I could carry myself well.

The girl brought along her female friend.

Most of the time they just talked to each other.

I found it was difficult to chip in between their topics.

The girl and I continued to chat through Whatapps messenger for some time but due to some misunderstanding, the girl got angry with me and we stopped contacting each other.

Then, I introduced my friend Chris to J***n since all of us were singles.

We could have fun together and help each other.

Time flied so swiftly and it was August 2013.

One night, Chris suggested that we went out for bowling games.

Chris brought along his female friend (Sh***n), who he knew from his last job.

I knew her already since we went for a karaoke session before this.

We introduced Sh***n to J***n.

It surprised both Chris and I that Sh***n and J***n have started dating not long after that.

We felt happy for them.

As usual, whenever a friend is dating then he/she will neglect his/her friends who used to hang out with him/her.

Since then, J***n seldom hanged out with Chris and me anymore.

J***n and I still have lunch together during the weekdays.

Chris complained that J***n was so bad to abandon us after he found a girlfriend.

I thought it's normal as most of the people would be like that.

J***n got more friends into our lunch group.

I would like to thank him for introducing two fresh graduates (male, L** and M**k) and another lady (J****e) to me.

That was my lunch group since then.

I was not sure whether it's because I was treating people nicely that I got the same treatment or what this round.

L** and M**k asked me to join them for activities and introduced their friends especially single female friends to me.

L** introduced MW and E***** to me before our Taiwan trip on last March 2014.

J***n, M**k and I joined L**, MW and E***** for the trip.

J***n joined the trip without his girlfriend Sh***n because he said his girlfriend was having a family trip to China during that time.

MW and I chat for some time through Facebook messenger and Whatapps.

We also joined the Ukelele classes before the trip.

We were somewhat close.

I did not contact E***** or hanged out with her since she was working and residing in Singapore.

J***n, M**k and I reached Taiwan a day earlier than L**, MW and E*****.

J***n had already complained the trip was not nice on the first day itself.

He said he was feeling tired and backache because he had to carry his own luggage with him.

He used to follow tour agencies and he did not have to carry his luggage around by himself.

He was no mood after that.

M**k and I also did not know what to say and do to get him into mood again.

We tried to enjoy the trip without bad influence by him.

We met L**'s friend, J.L. and we all went to the themed park recommended by J***n.

J***n took a few photos of me with the big cake together with others to consider that as my birthday celebration.

I felt happy also.

On the next day, J***n suddenly so excited and had mood when L**, MW and E***** were around.

To cut the story, J***n just hanged around with the girls and kept taking photos with them except when it was time to take group photos.

Four of us (guys) were unhappy and dissatisfied with J***n.

Not to say any of us had interest towards the girls but it was supposed to be a group trip.

It would not be fun if we separated into a few smaller groups.

 Let's say one of the guys was interested with any of the girls but he would have lesser chance if J***n kept sticking with the girls.

J***n himself had already had girlfriend.

J.L flew back two days earlier than us.

I felt J***n was being selfish and was not being considerate to the rest of us at all.

It was so obvious on the second last night when L** and the two girls flew back to Malaysia.

J***n complained boring and tiring again when the trip just left M**k and me.

J***n did not feel like taking photos or walking around.

M**k and I were so unhappy on that.

Before the trip, J***n said this trip was supposed for M**k, himself and I to get to know each other better.

However, it was totally disappointing when we saw J***n acted like that.

I was so unhappy and disappointed with J***n because I treated him as my buddy.

If J***n did not treat other guys as buddies, I was fine if he did not encourage or create chance for them to get closer to the girls.

But he said I was his buddy.

Shouldn't he encourage me or create chance for me since I am the one who is single and not him?

He was just enjoying himself without thinking of me at all.

I felt so disappointed with what he said to me e.g. "Your happiness is my first priority. I will feel happy for you if you get a girlfriend."

It seemed that he was just bullsh*tting me or that was a lie.

After the trip, I started to talk about his actions during Taiwan trip with L**, M**k and J****e.

I really felt so disappointed and frustrated.

Yes! I was bad for bad-mouthing him with others but maybe I just needed a channel to express my feelings instead of hiding them previously when I was very shy and quiet.

Otherwise, I felt suffering if I just hid my feelings.

I wondered how did I manage to hide my feelings and not expressing them last time.

Last weekend, M**k wanted to introduce his ex-course mate (C** H**) to me.

J***n wanted to tag along because he was so curious to make friend with someone who could see ghosts.

J***n drove his sports car to fetch M**k, J****e and me.

Then, we went to fetch C** H**.

I let C** H** to take my front seat and I moved to the back seat because she was wearing skirt.

Then, so fast J***n and C** H** strike into a conversation.

I was sitting at the back without much words.

Again, I felt that J***n was doing it again.

The whole day I just kept quiet even though the "date" was supposed for me to get to know C** H** better.

M**k kept promoting me.

J****e kept urging and "pushing" me to get to know and talk to C** H** more.

Yet, I was really not in mood to do anything.

Again, I was disappointed with the so-called buddy, J***n.

What did he do besides keep talking to C** H** and taking my chance away?

He even went out of the cinema to take a sweater from his car for C** H** instead of "pushing" me to take a sweater for her.

What was his intention?

Was it too much for him to do for a newly met female friend?

Luckily, I managed to talk to her for a while and dated her for night market on Monday.

However, when I wanted to confirm with her again on Sunday, she said she would ask J***n and if J***n was going then she would be going too since J***n could fetch her.

I immediately felt fed up and angry when she mentioned J***n.

Was it because she was materialistic that she attracted to J***n or because of she attracted to J***n's actions?

I was so moody and sick at the same time on Monday.

I was working for one hour and then I went to the clinic to visit the doctor and took Medical Leave to get some rest at home.

On the same day, J****e and M**k suddenly scolded J***n for me.

They said they wanted to scold on behalf of me and thought J***n was not doing right as my buddy during the "date" with C** H**.

J***n called me during that lunch hour and asked me whether I was angry at him.

He explained that he did not mean to compete with me to chase C** H** and he said if compete, I would not stand a chance.

He said he just showed his care as a big brother.

I did not agree with that from his previous actions during Taiwan trip.

J****e was actually trying to control the situation when M**k scolded J***n but she herself scolded J***n and M**k during that lunch also.

She said M**k should not tell J***n all these.

She also scolded J***n for being so "extra-gentlemen" on the "date" with C** H**.

J****e thought everything was all right because J***n tried to comfort me and J***n seemed all right even after the scolding.

Who knows...

J***n totally avoided us.

He did not go for lunch with us this afternoon.

Then, I checked my Whatapps for messages; only to find out that J***n had left all the chat groups that included him and me.

He did not un-friend me yet from Facebook.

Then, I got to know that J***n did such a big reaction after M**k told J***n what I told M**k in the company messenger.

I told M**k that if J***n was not helping then don't 'ka ka cau cau'/disturbing there. J***n was just taking away and lessening my chance to get to know a girl better.

I was so furious that time to say such things but I did not expect M**k to tell J***n about it.

M**k should know on how to differentiate between what can be said and what cannot be said.

I am not sure what will happen to this friendship.

The only thing I think I did badly was to bad-mouth him even only to those closed friends I trusted.

I still feel that he is the one who does not appreciate our friendship.

I appreciated that he helped me when I really needed a helping hand for that one and only one time.

I would always remember that and categorized that as a big favour.

Since then I tried to treat him more nicely.

I asked him for movie whenever there was promotion.

I treated him food and drink whenever I had the chance.